name="Wife and Heir" by Ray Gregory

Uncle Jimmy's Windmill

“Why don’t they get ‘emselves the hell back to wherever?” Aunt Jane musta hollered that five times. Like the govment all up in her bidness won’t enough to ruin her life, now she was going on about all the weird peeping Toms coming ‘round to see Uncle Jimmy’s windmill.

Bobby choked back a laugh. I just rolled my eyes. Everbody knows Aunt Jane was plumb crazy. Now she wanted me and Cousin Bobby to take down that windmill for her. She squinted hard at us. “I don’t care what nobody says, that windmill’s gotta go.It’s the whole dang problem with ‘em.”

I shrugged and flipped up my hands. “Ain’t nobody arguing witcha, Aunt Jane. If that windmill’s gotta go, it’s gotta go. Don’t matter no how why.”

Aunt Jane sniffed and nodded. “We’ll just see ‘bout that, won’t we?”

Thank God I got her past the crazy stuff. I could see she was already reckoning how much she was gonna have to pay us. Knowing Aunt Jane like I did, she was figuring how little she could get by paying. But me and Bobby had the upper hand on her, cuz Uncle Jimmy won’t around no more, and Aunt Jane knew even she won’t cussed enough to blow that windmill down herself. Then have to cut it up and haul it all off herself too.

I stared up at it again, raised my hand to shade my eyes from the sun, make it look like I was doing some serious figuring. The ol’ thing was a eyesore, all right. Looked like the rickedest contraption ever built. Uncle Jimmy could handle a welding torch and any tool forged, but he won’t no engineer. It looked like he slapped a buncha scrap iron and sheet metal together ever which way. But I gotta give it to him, the crazy thing worked. Seeing them blades spin in the wind and that water pumping used to make Uncle Jimmy bust outta his overalls with pride.

Aunt Jane jumped her hands to her hips. “I’ll give you boys real money to take that thing down, jen-you-wine silver certificates, nonna that no-count new stuff the govment hands out now. Silver’s still worth sumptin. Now you just think ‘bout that.”
Didn’t take me no thinking to know what that meant. Aunt Jane was gonna have to dip into that stash everbody knows Uncle Jimmy left her when he died. It had to be hidden on the farm here somewhere, cuz Uncle Jimmy never believed in no banks. And Aunt Jane never wasted no time or gas to drive where she didn’t have to.

Me and Bobby and Aunt Jane stood there all quiet, staring up at that ol’ windmill with all its rusty angle iron and crisscross cables and sheet metal. Don’t know why it never fell down on its own. Uncle Jimmy was even cheaper than Aunt Jane. That was why he built it hisself in the first place. Never liked paying for nothing. Rather work a month hisself than pay some other man a day’s wages. But when he couldn’t count on the wind round here no more, he got hisself a ‘lectric motor to run the pumpjack to draw up the water. Then he never done another lick at taking care of that ol’ windmill.

I got stone serious. Didn’t smile or nothing. Me and Bobby walked around that ol’ windmill, kicked its legs like they was tires on a used car, like we was genuine windmill demolitioning experts. It was easy to see the best thing was just cut out a leg from under it, let the whole mess fall down, then saw it up and haul the pieces off. So we told Aunt Jane that was our plan.

She squinted at us like we was the village idiot twins. “You don’t know which way that thing’s gonna fall. Might squash my chicken coops! You gotta climb up there and take it down piece by piece.”

Now anybody with a hen’s brain could see it would fall towards the gone leg, but the hard way was the only way Aunt Jane was gonna stand for. Bobby didn’t have no patience with her. He was already breathing ‘tween his teeth, fixing to spit and walk away. But I was the smart one. “Okay,” I said. “So we climb up there and do it that way. But all that work in the air like that don’t come cheap, Aunt Jane.”

She poked out her chin, jumped her hands up to her hips again. “Yeah, I just bet it don’t. I ain’t gonna pay a penny more than a hundred dollars.”

Bobby snorted. “You ain’t gonna find nobody do it that cheap.”

Aunt Jane gave Bobby the eye, like she was the pot ‘bout to pop off the stove. “You can take it or leave it, and that’s that.”

Bobby even started to give her the finger, but I caught his eye, jerked my head no.

“Okay, fine, Aunt Jane, but only ‘cuz you’re kin. If you want, we’ll start right now. You got the money?”

“You know dang well I don’t keep that kinda cash laying round. I’ll get it later....”